Some of this is coming out of experience. Believe it or not. Once upon a time I didn’t know how to get out of this pattern. And when I see it in others, I recognize it immediately.
Self-Victimization sets an energy that destroys your inner being. And if you don’t get yourself out of it, it could lead to disastrous complications down the road.
It simply goes like this: some event or a crossing of paths with the wrong person occurs. The consequences are devastating and there is always a victim to begin with. If the person with less than adequate mental or brain health, this event catalyzes the whole next step. And the person starts to spiral downward.
Often you see this in mental health. They become paralyzed. Or success becomes too out of their reach. For a while, people enable them by trying to help. This enabling puts them deeper and deeper into the state.
Unable to find their way out of the state, they become bitter and emotionally unstable to the point where they are unable to properly interact in normal society. They become so over-ridden with the Self-victimization that they think that everyone else is responsible for their problems. And they feel only those people have the responsibility to get them out of that state. And nothing will convince them otherwise.
You can recognize a self-victimizer because they continually blame everyone else for their short comings. It is never their own fault in their mind.
What does this do?
Well not only is this an extreme state that triggers those negative hormones as I wrote about in this article . But it keeps them from ever moving forward and taking back control in their life. You see, in severe cases, many of these people fall into a impossible state.
We see this in many minority groups. Without going into detail, they feel their right to self-victimize due to decades old past abuse gives them a right years later for money payouts, idolization and an overwhelming sense that it is all everyone else’s fault that I am not where I should be or can’t get ahead. I am sure we know of at least one group that operates like this.
The point is, when a person self-victimizes, they hand over all control to their perceived attacker. Whether the actual event occurred or not, all events may be perceived as happening to them only after that. And when this perception occurs, the person who is self-victimizing is allowing their perceived bully, or attacker to step on them and keep them under their feet.
There is a choice but the self-victimizer does not see that choice. Instead they focus on what they perceive as the crime to them. What they don’t realize is even though the original event, attack of group that caused the original event may be responsible for that event. They are responsible for their own bitterness that developed out of it. That’s right, only the self-victimizer can control that self-bitterness. The person or group who originally wronged them cannot control what the self-victimizer can control himself…….the bitterness. They need to rise above it but are paralyzed in a cycle that they put themselves in themselves.
Now self-victimization can also take the form of thinking someone else is entitled. They feel their enemy has everything handed to them. Their own self state doesn’t allow them to see how someone else may have worked hard to get where they are.
The bitterness controls them. Whether the crime to them actually happened or not, the person that may have wronged them is not responsible for their bitterness. However, the self-victimizer cannot get past that.
The first step getting past this state is learning how to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends with that person anymore. And forgiveness is not for the person that they are forgiving.
Forgiveness is actually an act for yourself. It is truly a self-centered act that is actually positive self-centered act. It is really the best present you can ever give yourself.
What forgiveness actually does for you is that it allows you to let go and move on. And when you finally let go, you lift a ton of stress, you see past that self-victimization. You finally see yourself as someone of worth. Your self-esteem goes up and you start to become successful again.
Once the self-victimization is lifted, healing and wellness usually occurs.
Basically the curse of self-victimization;
– Is cyclical and the more you self-victimize, the more you plummet into the pit.
– Allows control to be in the hands of those you feel have victimized you
– Cause more illness due to the constant negative state of hormones running through your body
– Leads to severe mental health implications
– keeps people from healing from not just mental but physical illnesses.
– keeps success out of their hands
– Increases the energy of self-sabotage
– incapacitates people fro being effective in their lives and society.
– Reduces people to laziness and unwillingness to work and become contributing members.
– Puts people into a mode where they often expect handouts.
And contrary to your thinking, the only people responsible to get out of that destructible self-victimization mode of bitterness is you yourself.
I have worked with many people in this mode. And some are successful at getting out of it. Some are not. But no one is successful at wellness until they choose to put the self-victimization down and move on with their lives.
I believe in empowerment. But empowerment only works when one is willing to do his part. And unless they are willing to break it, they just waist the time of all practitioners and specialists will to work with them.